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The Dark Side of Relationships

Essay by review  •  October 29, 2010  •  Research Paper  •  4,609 Words (19 Pages)  •  1,336 Views

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Why do women stay with men who beat and rape them? Why don't they leave? Why do they remain in abusive relationships even as the violence escalates?

Most women have at least one dependent

who must be taken care of, many are not employed, their parents are either distant or unable or unwilling to help. She may lack the access to cash; she or the children may be in poor health, may face a decline in the living standard for herself and her children. Many older children may resent this decision. She may believe that she will be charged with desertion or losing the children and cash assets if she leaves. Some battered women have an ideology that may include: she does not believe in divorce, marriage is forever," till death do us part". They may believe that it is crucial to the children for them to have a mother and a father, no matter how terrible the father is, and she believes that she can put up with anything for the children's safety. She may be emotionally dependent on the man, having never relied upon herself for the simplest decision. The abuser may have managed to isolate her from her friends and family and she therefore feels that she has no one to turn to. She may feel responsible for his behavior and try to change herself, therefore giving herself a very low self-esteem. Since abuse comes in cycles, she believes that he is basically good and this time he has changed. (23)

Battered women understand that there is something wrong with men who alternately hurt them and then nurture them, though they do not know what causes this. They seem to think if they love them enough, give up enough, or submit to enough, that they will somehow be able to change the batterer's behavior. Battered women are trained to accept responsibility for the abuser's outburst. She is trained to make excuses for his imperfections; e.g. if she was a better wife he would not want to hit her.

First, let's define abuse, battering, and psychological abuse. According to West Virginia Sate Law it is defined as: The occurrence of one or more of the following acts between family members who reside together or who formerly resided together:

Battering is not just physical aggression. Rather, Battering constitutes the systematic use of violence and the threat of violence in order to control, subjugate, and intimidate women. Without feat, there can be no battering.

Psychological Abuse is defined as verbal degradation denial of powers, isolation monopolizing perceptions, occasional indulgences and threats to kill. (23)

1. Attempting to cause or intentionally, knowingly, or recklessly causing bodily injury with or without a dangerous or deadly weapon.

2. Placing, by physical menace, another in fear or imminent serious bodily injury.

3. Sexually abusing a person under the age of 18 years.

Now let's discuss how small girls are raised in society. They are raised to accept men's temper tantrums without allowing it to diminish their love for their mate. They are raised to believe that men are imperfect and that they must put up with any and every imperfection that man may have or lose any chance of getting love in return.

In 1995, domestic violence increased by 6.8 %, over 1994 reports. Law enforcement agencies investigated 9,267 (96.5%) of these complaints. Of the complainants who were victims, 1,005 (11.5%) were male and an astounding 7,784 (88.5%) were female and 3,371 (35.1%) of them had filed a previous complaint. Repeated abuse victims suffered 2 homicides. 2,750 simple assaults and 75 felonious assaults. Protection Orders were violated in 125 (1.3-%) cases.

VICTIM OFFENDER

8,377 females (87.3%) 1,050 females (10.9%)

1,221 males (12.7%) 8,545 males (89.1%)

The US Justice Department estimates that there were 500,000 incidents in the United States in 1993. There were 45,000 marital rapes or sexual assaults included in this number. (15)

Domestic Violence accounts for 11.7% of the emergency room visits for women who are currently with a partner, although 27% report a history of domestic abuse. 81% of the women who had attempted suicide had a history of domestic violence. (15)

29% of all female murder victims were slain by their husbands or boyfriends in 1993 study. (15)

21% of stalkers had been prior intimates of the victims. (15)

The average offender was 32, while the youngest was 10 and the oldest was 99. (15)

The average victim was 30, the youngest was 1 and the oldest was 89.

Average response time was 14.62 minutes. (15)

Wife abuse was the most common type of abuse reported with 48.1% of these reported in 1995, most were reported on a Sunday with 18.0% and in the hot summer month of August with 10.7%. (7)

Statistics closer to home include the Kingwood Detachment of the WV State Police received 14 complaints, they investigated 13 of them, 12 of them had a previous compliant against them. The sadness of the situation is that only 4 were arrested, 2 were referred and 8 they did not really do anything with. (7)

The Sheriff's Department of Preston County received 17 complaints, but they only investigated 10 of these. Still of these 10, none were arrested and 15 were referred to counseling. (7)

The Kingwood City Police department investigated all 9 of their cases. Two were prior complaints; they arrested 7 of these and referred only two of them to counseling. (7)

Of the 10,859 reported cases in 1995, only 31.2% were arrested while 66.4% were referred to counseling, the other 15.2% were in essence talked to by the officer and promised to never do it again; a promise that an abuser cannot keep. (7)

90.5% (7,039) used their hands or fists to abuse the victim, 1.7% (136) used a gun and 4.7% (368) used a club, and 3.0% used knives. (7)

There were 7,587 simple assaults in West Virginia in 1995, 206 felonious assaults, 27 homicides, and 1,774 other extents of abuse. (7)

Women learn to recognize cues that a battering incident is on its way; a certain look in the eyes, a change of facial

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