Sex and Love

What is the connection between sex and love? In particular, is there an obligation to restrict sex to relationships involving love? Or, is the insistence that sex be accompanied by love based on a degrading view of sexuality - that sex is bad an in need of redemption by love? Is romantic (sexual, erotic) love a kind of illusion and trap that it is best avoided? These are just some examples of the different points we will be discussing. There are those that believe sex ought to be separated from love. Some have the belief that erotic love is a biological illusion and a trap for women. A quote from Marilyn French's novel states that "Love is insanity.... It is the taking over of a rational and lucid mind by delusion and self-destruction. You love yourself, you have no power over yourself, you can't even think straight."

First of all, what is love? We are mostly interested in erotic, sexual, and romantic love - that is, love involving sexual attraction. When we talk about romantic love, we talk about the process whereby two lovers each exaggerate the beauty and goodness of the other and become largely oblivious to the other's faults. When we talk about erotic love, we talk about love expressed through sex, which can include sexual arousal, desire, and activity. We sometimes refer to such love as an infatuation that distorts one's normal degree of reasonableness. Is this true love?

When two people love each other, it is natural for them to express their feelings to each other. Sex is considered to be the ultimate expression of the love two people have for each other. However, love is not always the reason for sex. Sometimes sex happens without love. Sex is great, but without love it is a fleeting joy. Love fills this emptiness in a much larger way, and lasts as long as the love does. Sex is easier to find though, and it is often confused as love. Sex is a very intimate act between two (sometimes more) people. The close intimacy is easy to mistake for love. You can have sex without love, you can have love without sex, and you can have both. When you do have both, it is the intimacy of love, mixed with the intimacy of sex, which brings people to a whole new level of intimacy (which is why there is a distinction between making love and having sex).

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