Fit to Be Tied

There are two types of human: married and unmarried. Marriage is good and singleness is good too, but most of the people who are still single, of course want to have a spouse. But many of them do so for wrong reason. There is such thing as a pressure from the outside of single one's life, says to them that there's something wrong with them which forces him/her to get into marriage. There are many married people who are lonely, but singles choose to marry because of this wrong thinking, that they will be lonely no more. I agree with the author that ultimate peace, joy comes only from our Lord God. Another myth why people, who have been wounded during childhood, marry is because they think their spouse will heal their brokenness. They seemingly look for spouses but actually they need healers. They will go into any available relationship, but eventually there is more pain. But singles should first face the problems that they experience, and then choose the partner very carefully. Marriage is also not the guarantee to happiness, unless Christ is the only center in the lives of both. And marriage is not for everyone. Well, if I will be single, then I can spend more hours with my Lord.

When we have the buying mood we can buy very expensive car, just if it has a soft seat. People hate when somebody gives them advice they don't like, especially if you're believer marrying unbeliever. They reject those advices, and eventually marry spiritually incompatible partners. Spiritual compatibility is very important; you could share together the Greatest Treasure - Jesus Christ Lord. It causes a lot of problem if in the marriage each spouse has his own plan for each other, but only in Bible, we can find a single solution, a single blueprint for the marriage. It is very important when spouses face life problems; both of them have common strength - prayer to God. Only He can strengthen when very painful times come up. When you are away from home you shouldn't worry what your spouse teaches your kids, to prevent that it is better to have spouse who will have the same Lord as you are. It is not enough just to be with the same belief, but it is very important also to have spiritual oneness, where your ideas fit with your spouse's ones. This is called synchronization - being equally yoked. It is advised not to marry if there is no such thing.

Spiritual compatibility is very important when selecting the life partner, but it's not the main factor. There should be a premarital checklist with which the selection process goes. The very important element is - respect, you have to respect the person not only spiritually, but just as regular individual. The problem of a nowadays dating is that many things in it are fake, people act somehow fake; but it both partners, before they marry should be able to face the things of this world together, daily life. For good marriage the honesty is a key element. It is painful, and insecure to think of your spouse "what if he/she...is lying to me". Responsibility is a significant factor in the relationship; just take a step to find out the "real" responsibility of a loved one. There should be spiritual compatibility, character compatibility, communicational compatibility, and mutual attraction.

Before getting into marriage it is better to test the relationship for a time, and don't be afraid to test it, it is better to find out earlier, than when it is too late. Spiritual compatibility, character compatibility, communicational compatibility should be confirmed over a time. Approval of parents and friends to get married is important in the courtship; it takes time to have good approval. However if parents are not believers it is helpful to get Christian counsel. Just go slow, and when everything is approved by time let the wedding be!

Now I know that during or before the courtship it's better for me to discuss about my and my partner's parents. And not to talk just about good stuff, but it would be good to discuss also what is bad, what kind of problems did we experience during childhood, because this could help in different tough life situations during marriage. In such cases we should help from outside. And for my own benefit it's better to talk about while not married yet, who knows what will I know or experience later.

Everybody is different and unique. There are several types of people like introvert/extrovert, sensor/intuit, thinker/feeler, programmed/spontaneous, initiator/responder, task-oriented/relational-oriented. We should respect each other, and instead of thinking why he or she is not like me, we should celebrate together our differences.

In the marriage there are always conflicts between the spouses. Most commonly people use these types of solutions for the conflicts: "Freeze 'em out", "let the bullets fly", "let me out of here", "I don't know what happened". Often if people have problems, they just give up, and think that their marriage is a mistake, but it is God who already told us that this "one", is the right "one". The spirit of reconciliation should be present at this time, while you can think deeply about the conflict and forgive. This can come only from God.

When conflicts arise we have to follow certain steps to their resolution. First we need to pray to God about it, we need to make a peace talk, where we could start peace negotiations. It's important not to use the hostility. Pray