The Paradox of Change

The Paradox of Change

When faced with change, most become timid. Facing the unknowns in life can often make one want to go into hiding. This is also one of the paradoxes that make's life so interesting and ever-changing.

Much of my life has been no different: ever-changing and definitely on the interesting side. One of the biggest changes in my life was finding out that my daughter had epilepsy. The first time my baby had a seizure, my family was living in Germany. As we had only been there for a couple months, we did not know anyone or much of anything about this country.

My husband and I had arisen early one cold January morning to begin our day. He was to travel out of town for work that week, so there was a great deal to do and little time to get everything done. As we scurried around to find everything that he neglected to get the previous day, I decided to sneak away to check on my daughters. When I walked into my baby's bedroom, I noticed that she did not look well. As she lay there in her bassinet, twitching and blue, I questioned myself as to what happened. I yelled for my husband to come quickly. When he walked into the room, he noticed that I was crying and hovering over our daughter's bassinet. When he walked over to me, he noticed that her face was blue and that she was in the fetal position. As I rolled my daughter on to her side, the thought struck me; she was having a seizure. I conveyed these thoughts to my husband, so he went to call for an ambulance. Once the eternity of three minutes had passed, my baby finally relaxed and started to get color back in her skin. Her seizure was over.

When the paramedics arrived, I was cradling my daughter in my arms, crying, "What did I do wrong?" As she was only 4 months old, I was sure it was something I did while I was pregnant. Not being able to recall any particular incident, I somewhat became hopeless. The paramedics took her out of my arms and laid her on the floor. While they undressed her to take her vitals, they started to ask me questions of which many I could not answer. Rattling off as much information as I could, none of it seemed to matter. My baby was lying there, lethargic. "Why are they not doing more for her," I asked myself repeatedly. Finally, they took her to the ambulance. On the forty-five minute drive to Landstuhl Medical Center, I sat and watched my baby sleep. The paramedics,