Gender and Communication

Gender and Communications

Communication is an ongoing, transactional process in which individuals exchange messages whose meanings are influenced by the history of the relationship and the experiences of the participants. (Adler, p.384) Communication depends on relationships between the people who are communicating, and on common basics between them. Problems in communications between people may arise due to differences in cultures, perceptions, values, and expectations from life.

As in many other gender differences, miscommunications between males and females can be explained by either the biological aspect or the cultural/environmental aspect. Deborah Tannen, a University professor of linguistics at Georgetown University and an Author, suggests the biological explanation to the problem: "Sometimes when you are talking to someone from other gender, it is like you are talking to someone from another world" said Prof. Tannen when she was talking about communications between opposite genders. That is the main reason why girls and boys prefer to play with their own sex. A research, made by her, shows the differences in friendships between two best-friends girls, and two best-friends boys in ages five, ten and fifteen. The girls were facing each other while talking in the three cases; most of the talk was about friendship. However, the boys in the three cases where sitting in angle to each other or side-by-side, they were looking around, through the whole conversation, and never looked at each other. The fact that these differences are displayed in an early age, support the biological explanation.

Alternatively, others suggest that opposite genders face miscommunication problems due to cultural and environmental factors. Although our society shifts to a more egalitarian one, there are still significant stereotypes of masculine and feminine behaviors. Traditionally, attributes such as assertiveness, individualism, rationalism, technical capability, and self-confidence are conceived as more masculine, whereas emotionalism, mildness, dependability, warmness, maturity, and cooperation are conceived as more feminine. Throughout their life, kids are expected to behave according to their gender's attributes. As a result of these attributes, the women's role is to take care of the kids, while the men's role is to financially support them. The society's pressure on the women is demonstrated in one of the scenes in the movie "When Harry Met Sally", in which one of Sally Albright's girl-friends explains her the urgency of finding a husband: "All I'm saying is that somewhere out there is the man you are supposed to marry. And if you don't get him first, somebody else will, and you'll have to spend the rest of your life knowing that somebody else is married to your husband."

In order to be able to solve some of the problems associated with gender miscommunications, we should distinguish first between the two different types of communications: verbal communication and nonverbal communication. Verbal communication consists of messages expressed by linguistic means such as the use of intonation, the specific words we choose to say, and the way we are saying them. There are differences in females and males usage of language/verbal communication. As we might expect from traditional sex-role stereotypes, girls tend to establish more egalitarian same-sex groups. Girls use friendly groups as a training ground for cooperation. Boys view friendly conversation among their friends as training for verbal aggression. Females are more verbal, use three times more amount of words than males, they are much more descriptive and use more adjectives. Women are less direct in their communication style. As Prof. Tannen showed in one of her research, women are more indirect in answering questions depends on the situation. They answer questions the way they would like to be answered by men, which means more than just a yes/no answer. However, men answer the way they would like to be answered their own questions, which means in a very simple way (yes/no answers). Females use more implied speech, a calmer and softer intonation, and tend to ask more questions in order to get more information and details because they are more concerned about others. Best friends girls are talking more, telling secrets and putting most effort for trying to proof they are the same; being more cooperative.

Yet, males are less verbal; tend to listen more and talk less. They can be together with other men watch TV or just go for a ride for hours and not talk. Men are more direct in their communication style; that is why they are better in marketing. They are more daring in general than women because they are physically confidence and think they are really good in almost everything. Boys becoming best friends due to common hobbies, talents, playing games and less due to talking and sharing secrets. They are putting most effort for showing who is the best, trying to get to a competition with each other. Because of the differences in the verbal communication styles females and males are using, there are some miscommunication in understanding each other when the two are getting together. This miscommunication is demonstrated in the movie "When Harry Met Sally", in one of the scenes where Harry Burns (Billy Crystal) gives Sally Albright (Meg Ryan) a compliment (in the car, on their way to New York) and she takes it as if he tries to make a move on her.

Nonverbal communication, on the other hand, consists of messages expressed by nonlinguistic means such as distance, physical contact, body posture and orientation, mimics, movement, vocal characteristics, clothing, and physical environment. Females put a higher priority in relationships and closer friendships, use intimacy as an indicator for judging relations. Therefore, women use more physical contact while talking to others; touch more, and are more concern about exploring emotions. Women use more "close body" type of gestures, using "small space". They make less eye contact, more shelter themselves, and tend to hide parts of their body. Vocal qualities reflect sex-role stereotypes as verbal cues. Known from research (Stewart), as boys and girls grow older, girls express more emotion in their voices than do boys. As adults, some women add a questioning tone to their voices by using rising inflections that seems to seek approval; men use downward vocal inflections that convey certainty. Females are more concerned about their appearance and they have more choices to make about clothing than males.

Men command more space in both posture and general body movements than women. They tend to be more physical, use activity and