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Communication 156 Week 5 Assignment

Essay by   •  March 19, 2013  •  Essay  •  745 Words (3 Pages)  •  515 Views

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Comm 156 week 5 assignment

The first thing I would do is add supportive points to back up the opening assertion. I agree with WritePoint in that respect. A claim of that magnitude requires not only proof, but citing the source of said proof as well. I would even go so far as to change the first line altogether. My opening would read: Warner Brothers' The Dark Knight earned more than 530 million dollars at the box office in 2008, making it the most popular movie in theaters that year. I feel this statement makes the same point as the original, yet incorporates the facts to back it up. The new topic sentence lends credibility, adds interesting information, and grabs the reader's attention; setting the stage for the rest of the paper. Another change I would make would be the wording for the first sentence in the second paragraph. I would put a semi colon after . . . Batman Begins took, and combine the next sentence with it, making the revised sentence read--The film is a continuation of the direction Batman Begins took; showing a darker version of Batman than the one seen in the Timothy Burton and Joel Shumacher films. This is a smoother rhythm and avoids the problem of using the ambiguous "it".

I believe I would expand more on the effect, if any, that having the same core unit writing, directing, and starring in the two movies had on their final outcome. Did the student feel that it lent continuity to the ongoing story? Did having the same core unit stifle the creativity of the second film, or extend it to new heights? I would break up the long run-on sentence in the second paragraph for the sake of rhythm, style, and overall readability. Possibly he could have eliminated "the" in front of director, writer, and stars, eliminated "such as", and put a period or semi colon after "both of the films". The sentences in parentheses represent the way I would have restructured the aforementioned run-on. (Director Christopher Nolan, writer David S. Goyer, and stars Christian Bale, Gary Oldman, and Michael Caine, played the same roles in both films. The only change to the main characters was Maggie Gyllenhall, who replaced Katie Holmes as Rachel, Bruce Wayne's love interest. Heath Ledger also joined the cast as the Joker. One of the last roles of his career, it will be remembered as an excellent performance; earning him an academy award after he had passed away.) Had the learner sent the paper through WritePoint before submitting the final assignment, many of these grammatical and style errors could have been avoided. The paper also has spelling errors and confused word forms,

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