Why You Should Smoke

I am sick and tired of all of this rubbish! People blame all of their problems on smokers, and whine and grumble about second hand smoke; well what kind of pansy would believe that nonsense! I'm here today to explain to you the benefits of smoking, and why you should take part in this delightful activity.

Do you ever wonder what all of those hip people do when they leave the restaurant, workplace or shopping mall spontaneously for minutes at a time? Well they're going out for a cigarette of course! While enjoying the luxuries that smoking a cigarette brings, these super cool cats are conversing about matters and issues which you will never get to know about, because you aren't out there with them. Frankly you haven't a clue what you are missing and I have no sympathy for you. This problem is easily solved.

When you smoke your fingernails turn a snazzy shade of yellow which is not only stylish, but conserves time. Why spend twenty minutes with messy nail polish when your fingernails can change colour all on their own? The best part is that your teeth will also change to a shade of yellow that will match your nails perfectly! To be completely honest, cigarettes are a little pricey, but so are Guess purses and Clinique make-up, and on your new budget, you won't necessarily have money to dry clean your clothes, but that is okay because the pit stains on that old blouse will go beautifully well with the new nails and teeth.

Secondly, smoking can start conversations with others. What else can you ask a complete stranger for and actually expect to receive? And once that cigarette leaves their package, and enters the salivating depths of your mouth, you have an instant connection, and when they bring the glimmering flame of their lighter to the end of your cigarette, you might just have made a new and special friend. Think of how many friends you have right now, being the loser, non-smoker that you are; and imagine how many friends you could have being the friendly, social, and sleek smoker that you could be. You and your fellow smoker pals will have plenty of things to talk about. For example, being a smoker, you have the right to complain when the government says you can't do it. Now that smoking is banned from public places you can ramble and rant just as much as your black heart and lungs desire.

You may have heard that smoking causes cancer, and that it is bad for your health and just, you know, bundles of joy like that, but what doesn't cause cancer these days? Many different things are made up of the same 4000 chemicals in which are found in a cigarette: peppers, carrots, strawberries, tomatoes, onions and grapefruit