Ego Vs GodThis print version free essay Ego Vs God.
Autor: reviewessays 01 October 2010
Words: 854 | Pages: 4
Ego vs. God
During my growing up years, from the time I was 3 or 4, I attended church with my parents. Sunday school taught me all the bible stories and when I was 12, I went to confirmation for two years. I was confirmed in eighth grade and continued to attend church regularly until two years ago.
Beginning two years ago, I had come to the realization that I had a great deal of apathy about my religious beliefs. It probably started with my lack of participation in church and in Sunday school. I found myself only going to church to end up falling asleep or being bored out of my mind. Sunday school was no better. All I would do is play around with my friends and learn absolutely nothing. Soon after, I quit going to church and decided that sleeping in after a late Saturday night sounded better than attending an hour church service. I also felt that services were always alike and were never very attention grabbing, so I lost interest. Also, the pastor never gave thought provoking sermons like Father Marco or Father Arnold; they tended to be dull and usually consisted of the same thing that was said previous Sundays. The whole church scene did not interest me, however, I believe my real problem was my attitude toward God and the confusion it caused and causes me.
In the past year, I have started realizing what I thought about Jesus and what He means to me. It all started when my friend, Mike Snodgrass, lost his mother to cancer, the exact same cancer that my mom had been diagnosed with seven years earlier. I began to realize that I honestly did not understand what Jesus was doing and why things happen. He took my friendâ€™s mother and not more than seven months later, took my best friendâ€™s grandmother with the same disease. I always thought that there was a reason for events to happen this way, but now I could not understand why. Another reason for my confusion would be my thought of the â€œbuddy-buddyâ€ Jesus.
A term that I learned in my junior year from Mr. Donahue was being â€œbuddy-buddyâ€ with Jesus. This meant that in times of crisis and need, you would run to Him and ask for His help and be with Him until the crisis or situation was over. It seemed that I was becoming that way and I never knew it. It all started when my mom was diagnosed with terminal cancer. I would find myself praying to God each and every night for a good twenty minutes praying that she would be back on her feet and doing her job of being my mother. As time passed a miracle occurred and today she is well and healthy and she is back to her normal self. I thanked God that she was still alive and then forgot my need for God. Then it was sometime before another crisis occurred and I would go back to God. This time it was my fatherâ€™s heart attack. I had just returned from a camping trip and came home to my mother telling me that my dad was in the hospital. Again, I would become â€œbuddy-buddyâ€ with God and prayed that the event would have a happy ending. After his heart attack, everything returned to normal and life went on, and I went back to the way I was and totally disregarded God. I am the same way today as I was last year.
Though I have gone through four years of religion classes it seems that nothing has changed. I am as apathetic now as I was two years ago. I still do not understand that God would play with peopleâ€™s lives as though it was a game. In the case of my friend, Mike Snodgrass, his mother would be fine and then deathly ill and then fine for a year or so and then its back to being deathly ill. It was the same way for my friend Dan and his grandmother. She would be fine and then all of a sudden she would be very ill, again. I guess I have not matured enough to understand that there is a purpose for Godâ€™s thinking but to me its has no logic. The possibility is that because of my lack of insight into my religion, I do not understand and have not fully matured in my faith.
The past few years have been full of ups and downs. I feel that I need to grow in my faith in order to understand God more fully. I know that I need to return to church on a regular basis. At this point in my life, I have so many questions that are unanswered about my faith and God. I know I need to find a way to improve my spiritual life.